there is a story to be told about a girl with a troubled heart and a boy on a quest for his own spine. i should begin, but it is too windy and dark outside.

all i know (now) is that she hates him. she hates him and loves him. and as for him, he needs to be stricken. so that he knows that he has no spine, and then knows he must search for it, or he cannot inherit his kingdom. i'm not sure how this will be wrought. i will make every effort to be honest, to hold back no shred of feeling for the both of them. i want them laid bare.

i think her name is asha. his name is ben.

they met... no. their meeting isn't important. only that they have known each other.

he makes her happy, but happy and confused. she, in her confusion, opens him wide. he, only later, will probe his wounds and discover that his spine (assumed entirely intact) is not there. then he must seek it. and she must knit her heart.

there must be trials for them both. not with each other. she will meet an oak tree, and he will fight a dead witch. or maybe she will fight and he will meet. i'm not sure. shit, maybe the story is about the tree and the witch. all this remains to be seen.

stay tuned.

i went looking for the post that i thought i wrote when i founded this blog. as it turns out, it doesn't exist.

so let me be brief.

this is a place that i created to let myself go. a place where i could write only for myself. but then i told someone who i knew that it existed. and another. now, i can count the number of people who know the face behind this blog on one hand. so it's not public knowledge, many of my best friends know nothing of it. it's not something that i do lightly. but i don't want this to be some kind of private diary. that's not what it's about.

but now... lately, my writing has been terrible. really bad. and i think it's because i am writing for an audience. and i believe deeply that to be a good writer, a really good one, you can't be writing for anyone. so this shit stops now. we're getting back to the center, back to the source.

this is a place for me to be whatever i feel. it may be ugly, pretty, mean, kind, whatever. i will say things that i would never say in meatspace. i will be many people. i will explore what i think it is to be human.

you will know when i fail, it will be painfully obvious. and i will fail a lot. but don't hold me (my person) to this. that's not what it's for. it's a window into me (or maybe the window i look out of), but it is not me. if you know me (my person), and don't want to read this (because it may be very ugly), then please don't.

to do this right, i cannot give a shit. and i will not hold back.