each time i think i've made it through the pain, i've been wrong. i think the problem is this: i've been living for you. for want of you. for your love and attention.

it keeps coming back and back. every time i call begging a slice of your time... i am tired of no and no and no. were it only so short as no. more often it's "we'll see". some other kind of blow-me-off bullshit.

i'm tired. and sick. funny that.

let it be known:

what has bound you to my heart, i must sever.

what i have opened to you, you did not deserve.

what was once yours can be no longer.


i'll sit seiza in morning grass, as the sun rises. i'll meet myself again, and be stunned by my fire. i'll fall in love all over again, with myself. i will not leave you, i say. i will not lie. hold to no one this trust you give to me, keep it close.