so, about the rape.

i live next to an old two story house that looks ready to fall down if you just stare at it too hard. there were some kids over there, you know, right into college age. wide-eyed and ready to really grow up. experience the meat of life and all that. well, i was drinking wild vines (rasberry zinfandel) from the bottle and watching from my picture window. the guy who lives there (i don't know what his name is, let's call him Karl), Karl, he has a couple roomates. one is some rotc kid with cropped hair and a scar on his cheek. he looks cocky. his name gets to be Mike. the other one is a quiet kid who hasn't figured out how to stand up properly. we'll call him Eric with a 'c' because that's weaker than with a 'k'.

so, over the course of the night, a few girls show up, 3 to be exact. two of them are local, and uninteresting because they know themselves pretty well. the other is not so confident. maybe from out of town, maybe a little too young, who knows, a little brunette. She gets to be Mary. anyway, they all go in there and start drinking and listening to music and playing cards... mostly drinking.

i sit on my deck and watch the show. by now it's dark and i've moved on to whatever i can find (a bottle of soju). the kids come out every 20 minutes or so for nicotine. i watch them do the dance with each other. one trying to get close, the other playing the same games. Karl knows Mary from back in the past and is working out what they will do the next day. they are cautious, like old lovers who don't want to get stuck in the same damn frolic that they knew before. they hug tight, then seperate immediately to stranger distance.

Mike's just going with the flow. he doesn't give two shits and is just drinking and having a good time with the girls and the night.

Eric, now, he's confused. and scared. but the liquor is loosening him up and he doesn't know how to move with it. first he just gets louder, then he gets a little nervous, then as he gets a feel for the drunk (he hasn't done this much, i don't think), he relaxes. it is obvious he has something for Mary. maybe not something permenant, but he stares at her like a kid at the cookies on the top shelf. you want it so bad, but you have no idea how to get to it. it's kind of cute, but pathetic.

but, over the course of the night, he gets bolder. he gets more confident as he doesn't get brushed off and they even have a couple heart-to-hearts outside over cigarettes (complete with laughter and sighs).

well, the two girls from in town leave at around 3, swerving off into inebriated early morning. i salute them with my bottle, may the gods of the foolish see them home safely, the fucking idiots. the rest of them apparently crash.

i stay up with my other bottle of sochu. watch the sunrise. i see some commotion at around 7 am. the back door opens, and Mary comes out. She sits down on the stoop with her head down. she's not crying, but she's not ok. maybe just hung over, but i don't think so. Karl comes out and sits down next to her. he talks, she just nods or shakes her head. the short conversation ends with a lot of her shaking her head "no" "no" "no". her eyes are shiny.

a car pulls up, it's one of the other two girls, in her pajamas. Mary gets in, and they drive off.

Eric comes out then, he leans on the side of the house and pulls out a camel light. he starts smoking it with an agitated hand. there's something on his mind and it's not very pleasant. he rubs his face a lot with his off hand, between puffs of the cigarette. Karl comes out. they stand at strangers distance. Karl asks something, Eric doesn't even look at him. he looks guilty as shit. like something is gnawing at his very soul. something mean and painful.

Karl goes back inside.

Eric looks over at me.

I salute him with my empty bottle of sochu. he raises his cigarette hand in the shape of a gun and pantomimes a shot. then he slouches back to himself, flicks the butt into the driveway, and goes inside.